


Duck!

by yuma (yuma_writes)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-07 02:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10350798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuma_writes/pseuds/yuma
Summary: Conversation piece..er...have to be there to know what I’m talking about. :)G for...wait. Make that PG-13 for some very minor cursing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Duck

"Tell me again why we're doing this." 

"I am teaching you how to fight, Daniel." 

"Um- no, really." 

"Put your fists up and aim." 

"Um-Jack?" 

"What?" 

"Wouldn't a gun be more-effective?" 

"Yeah, if it was me using it!" 

"I agree. Daniel Jackson's experience with weapons are left to be desired." 

"Thanks, Teal'c. Thanks a lot." 

"The bullet damn nearly hit me in the rear on that last mission, for god's sake." 

"S-sorry. I was caught off guard. It was getting... distracting." 

"Well, I guess a dozen snake heads firing at us can be distracting, blasted staff weapons firing all around us- that's not the point! You could had bought it back then, Danny." 

"Bought it?" 

"Yeah. The big one. Sayonara, adios." 

"Ignore him, Teal'c. Jack tends to be vague in his human expressions. I can't understand him all the time either." 

"Sometimes I wonder who's the _alien_ around here." 

"Huh? What's that, Jack?" 

"Nothing. Never mind. Now tuck those elbows in and keep an eye on me, Daniel." 

"What am I suppose to be looking for?" 

"For the horn growing out of my nose. What do you think? Anticipation!" 

"Uh, Teal'c. Don't look at Jack like that. He doesn't really have a horn growing out of his nose." 

"An Earth's saying?" 

"No, it's a _Jack's_ saying." 

"Daniel. Pay attention." 

"Sorry. Okay, I'm keeping an eye on- ow." 

"Are you all right, Daniel Jackson?" 

"I thunk 'ack brke my nodse." 

"Your nose isn't broken. Daniel, I told you to keep an eye on me. Why the hell were you staring at my fist like a deer at headlights?" 

"You thold me to k'ep my eye on you." 

"I also told you to anticipate. Geez...um, you okay?" 

"Yeah. I thunk so." 

"I believe Daniel Jackson's speech has been impaired." 

"You're la'ghing, Ja'k." 

"N-no, I'm not. Let's try this again." 

"Colonel O'Neill appears to be amused." 

"Uh, Teal'c?" 

"Yes, O'Neill?" 

"You're not helping." 

"My apologies." 

"You wouldn't happen to be related to Spock, now would you?" 

"Spock?" 

"Yeah, pointy ears, green skin. Walking computer. You know- a Vulcan. Never mind." 

"A Vulcan does not have pointy ears, O'Neill." 

"I was kidding- wait a minute. You're not actually telling me that there are... never mind. I don't think I want to know." 

"Thiss is emba'asssing. Gawd, I hope nosboby sees us here." 

"What are you guys doing in the rec. area? What's so funny, colonel?" 

"Ah! You were la'ghing, Ja'k!" 

"What happen to you, Daniel?" 

"Trying to teach Daniel to defend himself, Carter." 

"O'Neill has not been successful, Captain Carter." 

"I can tell. You know colonel, we do need Daniel conscious for these missions." 

"I just don't want Daniel to keep running into shit every single time we go on a mission." 

"I can see your point. But what does punching Daniel in the nose have anything to do with all this?" 

"My po'nt esactly." 

"Quiet, Daniel. Let's try this one more time." 

"Oh gawd. Sam, help me out, please?" 

"Sorry Daniel, but I have to agree with the colonel this time. You're not here to just dial us home. You have to be careful, Daniel. We don't want you to get seriously hurt." 

"Thank you, Carter. I- _wait a minute_ \- what do you mean you agree with me this time?" 

"Oops." 

"I can train you in Jaafa training if you wish, Daniel Jackson." 

"That's okay, Teal'c. I remember Jack taking you up on that offer." 

"I remember the colonel's trip to Doctor Fraiser right afterwards. No offense, sir." 

"Some taken, but that's all right. I remember that, too. No, Teal'c. To quote Carter here, I would _very much like_ Daniel conscious during missions." 

"The Jaafa training is a bit strenuous." 

"No shit. Okay. Let's try one more time. Stop moaning, Daniel, you're not dying. Now get your fists up. Good. Eyes on me, but please react and not just stare. Okay?" 

"Okay." 

"Keep your feet balanced, Daniel. Don't just take wild swings." 

"Perhaps Daniel Jackson should focus on coordination first." 

"Good idea, Teal'c. Daniel, concentrate on hand and feet coordination." 

"His feet should be apart to keep balance." 

"Daniel, don't swing so wildly. You leave yourself open." 

"Perhaps he should not come too close to O'Neill." 

"Sway left to right, Daniel." 

"Guys! You're confusing Daniel and making me dizzy! Now cut it o-ow!" 

"I did it! I did it! I- oh gawd- Jack. I'm sorry. Does that hurt? Yo'r nose is bleedin." 

"No, no. Ib fine. Good right, Danny." 

"I'm sorry, Ja'k." 

"It's okay. I guesth thiss is not goin' to wurk out. Just do me a favor okay?" 

"What is it?" 

"Next time, just duck!"   


**The End**

  


* * *

>   
>  © 1998 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

* * *

  


##### This is dedicated to one of the fans who filled out our survey, Crow. He had wondered what would happen if Jack would have ever gotten sick and tired of our Daniel Jackson getting in one mess or another. Well, here's your answer Crow. Enjoy. :) ...Yum@   
To those Star Trek fans out there and Teal'c fans, sorry...couldn't resist the comparsion of Teal'c to Spock. :) 

* * *

  
[Back](http://astele.co.uk/StargateFan/Chapter/Details/fiction.html)


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